Monday 21 November 2011

Raccoons...


If there's one thing Toronto's got lots of, its raccoons.  Raccoons here.  Raccoons there. Raccoons everywhere.  Our last place...every night, green bin overturned, foodstuffs all over the place.  Internet, you might not have seen the green bins TO provides you with to put your organic waste in.  About two feet high with a locking (sorta) metal handle on it.  This locking mechanism thing is child's play to a raccoon.  You can put bungee cords on if you want, after which the raccoons are happy to bust the lid for you. 

And, if you don't like it, you are absolutely not allowed to "deal" with raccoons on your own.  If you know what I mean.  TO is a humane type town.  Just ask this guy!  Relatively sure in Winnipeg it would be legal to throw one in a wood chipper if you wanted.  No no, I am sure that is not legal.  But I think you can kill it if its in your house ("It's comin right for us!")



So we moved to our new place.  And....nothing is trying to get into our green bin.  I know them raccoons are out there.  Their paw prints (and, from the smell, I am pretty sure worse) are all over the inside of my shed.  ("Boys! Keep outta that GD shed!" Parenting!) Which is great!  Right? 

But, to be honest, I just can't help feeling a little bit resentful.  Like...is my organic waste not good enough for you, raccoons?  Do we not buy enough organic stuff?  Is it because we buy some stuff at "No Frills" and not "Fiesta Farms"!?!?!? 

Raccoons are such assholes.

Sunday 20 November 2011

Well All Right JJ!


Two posts in one day? Are you mad, man? Who are you, Stephen King!?  Internet, I am sure that is what you are saying.  Ok, you are probably not saying that.  Or maybe you are.  Internet, you are such a bloody enigma.. I just can't figure you out!


The Wonders of Technology!


Well, JJ (JJ!)'s employer just moved into a brand spanking new building.  One of the technological wonders of the building is automatic soap dispensers.  Is it really that much of a convenience over pushing a pump?  Or that more sanitary?  Who am I to say?  I'll leave it to the philosophizeologists.  But what I CAN say is that they built the dispensers toooo close to the taps.  One doesn't have to be engineeritician to see that. As you run your hands under the tap, the soap dispenser, well,  dispenses.  Over and over again.  And the soap they use is this white creamy stuff.  Look at this dramatic reenactment video and tell me what it looks like.




Everytime I wash my hands its like I have wandered into a pornogrpahic movie.  At the "climax", so to speak.  If I had to guess at the model name of the dispenser, I would say  its called "The Ejaculator".

In an unrelated story, my hands are all dry and chapped for some reason.  (Get it?  Because I spend all day washing my hands! Is that a gay joke?  It's not supposed to be.  But could be construed that way maybe? He's saying he's gay.  Unless gay is bad, why is it funny?  But the angle is supposed to be more that I love pornography! Swearsies! Ok?  We cool? We're cool, right?)

Neither of my kids can read too well just yet.  Do I keep this post up once they can?  Open question.  But one can't write solely about Tombley Boos and Macapacas for Pete's Sake!

Friday 18 November 2011

The Number of the Beast!

Internet, have you ever seen the movie "The Reader"?  No its not the best movie ever.  I know that.  But there's one part that tends to stick with ole' JJ.  The protaganist goes to visit the woman in prison (If you haven't seen it, internet, the story is about a young boy in England who starts an affair with an older woman who turns out to be a a former death camp worker.  She gets arrested, tried and sent off to jail.  Ooohhhh good synopsis! I should write Disney books!).

So he visits her in prison and he is all "so have you thought about what you did...do you regret it? Do you feel bad about it?" 

And she says "What does it matter?  The dead are still dead."  Shazam!

Going to law school (has JJ mentioned he is a high-powered lawyer!? Easy ladies, JJ's a marred man! I mean married! Or do I  mean both...?) taught me that...intent matters very much in criminal law.  Actus reus - the act.  Mens Rea - the intent.  Without both, no indictable conviction.  (No, not needed for running a stop sign! Just for the real bad stuff!)

Under the rule of law, intent matters.  But what about the bigger picture?  How many things that harm are done without intent, yet still harm.  And is there any redemption in feeling bad about things one has done if feeling bad doesn't in any way repair the harm?  Does going around feeling bad about the shit things you have done make one any different from someone who does shit things and doesn't give a fuck? Aren't the effects the same to those affected by those shit things?

So, in conclusion, you are still not getting a signed Drake CD (are those even still a thing? Not Drake, I know that kid is on fire! But Cd's.  What do people sign otherwise?  A memory stick?) for X-mas. Hanukkah neither.


                                           Degrassi again!  Now he's not in a wheelchair?  And where the heck is Spike?
Plus I still  have a cat living in my house that I see once a week.  But hear at 3 am.

Monday 14 November 2011

Comments



Well, JJ's ole' place of employment has a blog of its own.  Not so much with the funny, but high on the informative.  And I think they got a blog consultant or something (btw...not JJ!) to help them craft these entries.  Which is great. Good idea!

And each entry ends with something like "what do you guys think?"...but nobody ever comments.  Every single time.

Now the people who write these entries? All well adjusted, self-confident folk.  Not insecure self-doubters like JJ.  So it's cool. 

But if JJ ever writes an entry in the work type blog ("Fat chance!  Get over yourself Hemingway!" you are thinking. But please, its just for argument's sake. Come on, work with me here.) you can bet that the last line of that entry is gonna be something like  "I am pretty sure I have fully covered things, so there's probably no point in commenting..." Otherwise, I just wouldn't be able to take that rejection!  I mean, damn!

So, in conclusion, Drake did an album signing today but I was not able to make it, so don't expect a signed CD for X-mas.
 
                     Yes, that's from Degrassi.  Which I have never watched, so I have no idea what this is about
JJ out!

Sunday 13 November 2011

"Time to Tumble!"



Ok, maybe one more link. But damn! This is quite simply: The. Funniest. Music Video. Ever. That's right. I said it. And you know what? That's not even subjectively speaking. That is ob-jec-tive. The guy on the Osborne bus would totally agree with me (you fellow law schoolies out there feel me?).

Bunch of dudes from Hamilton for Pete's sake! Not that there's anything wrong with that! Great town, I am sure! Steel! Tiger-Cats! Small airport!

Which, just to be clear, by no means means I endorse Bert's behaviour! For shame, Bert!

JJ out!

Saturday 12 November 2011

She was...she was only sixteen! She was only sixteen!



Linking to videos not not really my thing. Unless its of kittens playing, I really like those.

Anyhoo, this clip (can I finish?) just kills me. So screw it, I'm posting it!

I first watched it right before we went camping at Algonquin Park this summer, so the entire weekend, the wife was forced to endure me talking...(I'm not fucking finished!)...very...very...slowly.

Thursday 10 November 2011

Baaaaa!

Internet, you know what burns ole JJ's britches?

And no it's not animated sheep.  Love those! Especially Wallace and Grommett type animated sheep!

Its being treated like one.  Schneiders Country Naturals.   It helps my family experience food "the way its supposed to taste".  As opposed to those other companies that give you meat the way its not supposed to taste.  Like...Schneiders...  Like what could be more fucking disingenuous than, as an advertising technique, implicitly dissing a certain number of your own company's products look bad so that the featured product looks good.  And not in a way that is "oh, we used to do that, but now we do this" way.  If I want the nitrites and sodium whatchamacallits, I can just go six inches to the left of the "Country Naturals" in my local "No Frills" (Ontario only - terrible store - typically the cashiers serve you in between texting their friends. I wish I was exagerrating) and there they still are.  And not that I even particularly care whether their meat has unpronouncable chemicals in them or not.  I mean, what am I, a chemist!?  Its the disingenuousness of it.  And the suggestion that we, as the general public, are so gullible.

And I don't want to single out Schneider's.   These phone companies.  Gaak.  "Fido"?  "Koodo"?  "We're these small phone companies looking to get you a deal, unlike those big phone companies!"  Except that we're owned by Rogers and Telus, respectively.  While Canadians continue to pay phone bills that astound (astound! I shit you not! ASTOUUUUUND!) people from the US or Europe. 

But I guess it works. Otherwise they wouldn't do it.  So, you know...baaaahhh.....


                         Get it?  She's about to bop him with a leg of lamb...a baby sheep...it's a metaphor

JJ out!  Gotta make a call on my Rogers phone!

Sunday 6 November 2011

Children's books


Been reading a lot to my youngest recently.  I have to say, I am enjoying it a lot.  Not that I didn't enjoy reading to my older boy.  Of course I did.  But now...I am wiser. 

With the first, good ole' dad would say "Ok, what would you like to read?"  Then I would just let him choose whatever book he wanted.  This was how I ended up reading "Thomas is really scared for 30 pages but Sir Topham Hat was right after all!" about 1,000 times.  Guh.  And the absolute worst? As first time parents, we subscribed to some sort of disney book club.  Each month we would get a book based on a disney movie.  Now, you like the Disney movies?  Fine. I can dig it.  Hakunah matata and whatnot.  But  these freaking books? Horrible.  Soul crushing.  Ok, maybe that's too strong.  But man, they ain't good.  They take a two hour feature and write the story as basically a two hundred word summary of the script. 

                                                                           "Boo!"

The worst I can recall was "Hercules".  The ultimate battle at the end of the book was described as something like "Hercules fought really hard, and almost lost, but he remembered how much he loved so and so and that gave him the strength to win in the end."  That's the climax of the book.  I shit you not. 

So now...good ole' dad subtly frames the books to choose from.  "Well, E-man, what should we read, Robert Munsch or Dr. Suess?"  Yertle the Turtle?  Smelly Socks?  I can read that stuff forever!

So, in conclusion, kids are cool.