Sunday, 18 December 2011

Not Today!!!


Morning Inty! Nice to see you! What a pleasant surprise!  I was just thinking of you! Specifically, one of JJ’s favourite things to download from you.  Software updates!  It’s so exciting! Its free! What new features will I get!? How much better will the program work!?  Will it have a new look!? It’s like Christmas!  And when I download an update and it doesn’t work for some reason (Microsoft, I am looking at you!)….devastation.  All that excitement and anticipation…then…zippo.  Then need to search on the internet (you!) and spend the next couple of hours figuring out why it didn’t work, if I can (Why is it not recognizing that I need this fucking service pack!!!! ARGGHHH!! Murder!!!!!).  Although curiously there seems to less issues now that we have a Mac.  Coincidence…?

But you know what updates I love the best? Anti-virus updates.  You know how it makes me feel? Like this:

I can see in my mind all these bad guys out there solely dedicated to trying to break (“hackers!” JJ is down with the lingo!) into my computer.  Because I am pretty sure that is how it works.  And then imagining these jerkfaces being turned away because my vigilance in getting my last update!  Ha ha!  And you know what I say to myself when I think of it?  No, not “You shall not pass!”  Although that would be pretty good.  (And then if I did download a virus I could say “Fly, you fools!”. To myself.  I’m so cool.)  So what do I think of? Well, did you ever see the “Pepsi Club” commercial with Robert Stack?  No?  I don’t blame you, it was 14 years ago! But lucky for you I have embedded it below! At the 23 second mark, as Robert Stack defeats some would-be Pepsi thieves (with the help of his Pepsi club) you know what he says? You guessed it! “Not Today!!” 

It’s perfect.  He was was such a bad ass.   I’m right, right?  I’m right. 

And that the story of how I came to say what I say to all those a-holes trying to steal my identity and whatnot!

Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!!!!!!!

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