Gotye - Doggie Song

Hi!

Long time no talk!  Is this looong layoff a pattern?  Sheesh, shouldn't I have MORE time to blog now?  What the heck am I doing, if not bloggin', right?

Well, what do I say to that...? I'll tell you what I say!   Whatevs, I been busy!  I swear!  Doin' stuff!  And anyways, time flies, right?

Plus...Inspiration!  Despite trying to take the advice of my defacto writing instructor (Billy Crystal's character from "Throw Momma From the Train") advice into account: "a writer writes, always!" Everything I consider writing sounds stupid and lame and stupid.  Plus it sounds stupid.

But fuck it.  And what the fuck do I know, these ideas could be gold!

So...first..!

Negative Development

Well, got some bad news.  Last week me and a number of other folks were relieved of our positions at the ole' place of employment.  Times are tough in TO, economy-wise.

Wasn't sure how to deal with this info in respect of my little blog-io.  Not looking for sympathy.  And can't really talk about details.  But I wanted to put it in here.  Because obviously it's going to feed into everything that's going on in my life.  And to ignore would be dishonest. 

Which is not to say that I am also not hyper-aware of this becoming "JJ's job search blog!"  I don't want that.  Particularly because of the fact that I am writing in real time, not coming back after there has been some sort of redemptive conclusion.  It may drag on.  And there may be no happy ending.  Which is not to say that I am not hopeful and confident. I am.  But I am a realist.  "Things always work out for the best"  and related sayings are bullshit. Stuff doesn't work out for people all the time.  

My dad was a middle manager at Great West Life when, in the "lets get leaner" 90's, he was shown the early-retirement door.  He tried to get a job.  Set up my sister's old room as his office.  Sent out lots of resumes.  Job search machine.  After a long, search, he got one.  Part-time at the help desk in a building supply store. 

So...if things don't go rosily, I don't want my blog to just be some sort of documentation of rising desperation as my hopefulness and confidence bleeds away.  Ugh.  That's not bringing the yuks! Plus what about the Gabe and E-man!?  I can't ignore those dudes!

I once went to a short  film festival in Winnipeg.  My friend Chris was in one of the short films they showed. 
They also showed a Guy Maddin film where there was some dude banging a fish against a tree.  One of the others was about this author who is trying to get his arty book published.  This publisher guy says to him something along the lines of "that's the thing about sad stories...everybody wants to write one...nobody wants to read one..." I still think that's brilliant.

Anyways, I guess gonna see how things go.  If ultimately things DO go badly, and this becomes exactly what I fear, you can stop reading. Now JJ will understand.  Although I suppose that I can't promise that future bitter and broken JJ may not be a dick about it. 

JJ out.

You made it too easy, Dad!

Video time!

Background!:

Neither of the boys can ride a bike.  At least without training wheels.  E-man's only five, so not that big a deal.  But Gabriel is eight.  Past time.  Two summers ago, he and I tried.  No go.  Last summer he and I tried again.  If anything, it was harder to get him to try last year than the year before.  Not because he was lazy, and not because he doesn't care.  But because he lacked self-confidence. He was scared to try, because he thought he would fail.  I got him to try the only way I knew how: bribed him with Lego.  "If you try 100 times, I will buy you a Lego set."  We almost got it.  It seemed obvious that he could physically do it; he rode at least 20 feet a couple of times.  But in his head, he got frustrated.  And discouraged.  And that was it.   Lego or no Lego, he was done with cycling.  Which is not to say that I could not have been more persistent.  I could have been.  But just kinda didn't make a priority I guess.  Bad dad.

But now it's a new season! And JJ is bound and determined to get them both riding this summer!  And as for Gabriel, he is sporting a new confidence these days.  I wish I could attribute it to parenting but I honestly think a lot of it is coming from his school. Where his old school was tearing him down, these guys are building him up.  Helping him believe he can do anything. An example of this confidence?  A couple of weeks ago, we are swimming in a friend's pool.  There's a diving board.  Into the deep end.  He had never jumped off a diving board before.  Not only did he want to try, but  after getting me to spot for him the first time, he was like "don't touch me dad! I can jump in and swim to the side myself!"  And then he was swimming to the bottom of the pool! I mean, look at this kid!

So I had reason to hope that maybe we were going to get there.  Off we went to Canadian Tire to get Gabe a new bike, while Emmett gets his old bike, and secure a commitment from both boys to give it 100 tries each (in exchange for...you guessed it...Lego!!!! Emmett wants some too!!!) then, Canada Day, we are off to the track!  The track!  Brilliant, right!? Not too hard to pedal over, like grass is, but not as hard as cement if you fall!  Brilliant! 

And how did it go?  Emmett tried his heart out.  Almost got it.  He would have kept trying too, except that poor old dad somehow tweaked his back bending over and holding the seat.   Aging!  So much fun! "We have to stop now, Emmett, because Daddy can no longer bend..."

And Gabe?  Well, see for yourself!  Commence video!

Too easy indeed.  One down!

JJ out!

For Sparta!!!!!!....Derp

Halloo, Internet!  I am back!  Happy Canada Day to you!  Guess what I did last weekend?  Well, here's a hint..read the sign in the picture.  Yep...the "Spartan Race"!

Triathlon

Aargh! Owie!

Well, Internet, this past weekend I, your faithful servant, had a running-type event.  But not just running-type! Cycling too!  Plus swimming!  That's right!  It was a triathlon!  Only my second one!  And first in about 7 years! As triathlons go, it wasn't that long.  750 metre swim, 30 km bike and 7.5 km run.  But long enough, right?  In Binbrook! Outside of Hamilton. Steeltown!

Sex Toys...Silent Killer?!

Excuse me, ma'am...whuuutt???

Howdy Inty! How do you like that headline? Good, right?  Just like your local news station, right?  "Stay tuned! Coming up, what you need to know!" Right?

You into the sex toys at all, Inty?  Well, me neither!  Missionary position only! Right!?  And who left those lights on!? Right!?

Well not withstanding my extreme prudishness, I am partial to listening to Dan Savage's Lovecast.  It's a podcast. About sexytime!  He answers questions!

Well, he had a guest on the other day. Jennifer Pritchett, owner of "Smitten Kitten" a sex-type store in Minneapolis. 

And what was she there to talk about?  Sex toys, of course!  She also talks about them on the shop's own website:



Look.  You can watch it or not.  Or you can watch it and say "Whatevs! Just some small joint in Minny!  Who cares!?"

But of course there is also this Greenpeace study in the Netherlands that says basically the same thing.  Except that that study doesn't contain the eyewitness evidence of the "sweating" sex toys.  And the references to "burning and irritation". (Yikes!)

You don't want to look at either one?  That's fine! Coles Notes summary!:  a lot of Jelly-type sex toys contain up to 50% pthalates.  "Pthallates"? What der heck is that, you may be asking.  Well, pthalates are a substance the has been banned in a lot of childrens toys.  Why? Well, because:

In common with BPA, phthalates are endocrine disruptors. They can upset normal hormonal balance in our bodies, stimulate the growth and development of cancers (breast, uterine, prostate), impair fertility, and disrupt pregnancy.
Other illnesses are now being associated with exposure to phthalates, including heart disease, behavioral problems in children and asthma.

Yes!  That is exactly what people should be putting inside their bodies!!  Now I know, I know.  You are saying "But JJ, how could such a thing happen in either the US or Canada, countries with so many consumer safeguards?"  Well, sex toys are classified as "novelty" items, and not regulated at all.  So your next question, I am sure, is "Well, even if its an unregulated industry, can't we rely on industry not to try and get us to purchase items that may poison people?"  I know, right!? (Takes drag from cigarette) That is usually foolproof, but in this one instance, doesn't seem to have worked.   

So Inty, if you ever DO consider buying one of these toys, maybe do like the lady says.  Maybe get something made from silicone - eschew the jelly.

Hard-hitting expose done!

JJ out!

Mother’s Day! – Sporting Life 10K!

Don’t try and click on that Donate button!  It won’t work!

Well hi, Internet.  How was your Mother’s Day?  Did you spend it with your mom, Tipper Gore?  I am certainly glad you dropped by! 

Mother’s Day! Happy day, right?  Well, I dunno.  I have to say, saying “Happy Mother’s Day” to a living person is a shitload better than saying it to a ceramic pot.  That you are not even in the same city as.  When that’s the case, Mother’s Day is just not quite the same.