Waterfront Marathon 2012 - A second go!

Where's JJaldo (get it?)? Don't bother looking! I am not in this pic.  I don't think.  I don't even know what year its from! Just found it and pasted it!

Hello!  Hope you are well!  Enough pleasantries!  Let's get down to it, right?  Guess what JJ did this past weekend?  (Hint - see pic above. )  Yes, you guessed right!  His second Waterfront Marathon!  Second year in a row!  Bazinga!

For Sparta!!!!!!....Derp

Halloo, Internet!  I am back!  Happy Canada Day to you!  Guess what I did last weekend?  Well, here's a hint..read the sign in the picture.  Yep...the "Spartan Race"!

Triathlon

Aargh! Owie!

Well, Internet, this past weekend I, your faithful servant, had a running-type event.  But not just running-type! Cycling too!  Plus swimming!  That's right!  It was a triathlon!  Only my second one!  And first in about 7 years! As triathlons go, it wasn't that long.  750 metre swim, 30 km bike and 7.5 km run.  But long enough, right?  In Binbrook! Outside of Hamilton. Steeltown!

Mother’s Day! – Sporting Life 10K!

Don’t try and click on that Donate button!  It won’t work!

Well hi, Internet.  How was your Mother’s Day?  Did you spend it with your mom, Tipper Gore?  I am certainly glad you dropped by! 

Mother’s Day! Happy day, right?  Well, I dunno.  I have to say, saying “Happy Mother’s Day” to a living person is a shitload better than saying it to a ceramic pot.  That you are not even in the same city as.  When that’s the case, Mother’s Day is just not quite the same.

The Run for the Jedi!

Well Inty, last weekend ole’ JJ ran another one of them “races” he is so fond of running.  His first “ten miler”.  Now, the ten miler is kind of a funny distance.  I would describe it as the “brunch” of runs.  It’s longer than a 10k (which would be representative of breakfast, in my brilliant analogy), but shorter than a half-marathon (lunch).  But like brunch, it’s delicious! If a run can be delicious?  Which it probably can’t because you don’t eat it?
Anyways.  My first one.  Now, you may be wondering “why is this post called “the run for the Jedi”?  Well, I will tell you. The way I figure it, if the Jedi ever had a running race, it would be a lot like the Angus Glen 10 Miler.  It was just so…civilized.  You know, like the Jedi.  With their “lightsabers” instead of laser type guns.  And robes!  Plus, the Jedi lived a long time ago, so they probably used the imperial system instead of metric. 
But why was it civilized?  Well, first it’s at a golf club. This one:

Fore! Get it?  Because it’s a golf club!

You go in, get your race kit and they give you, not your t-shirt, but your…jacket!  This one!
 

Sweeeeeeet…

And in the race kit? Aveeno products!.  Then they tell you that you can go get a locker in the change room.  And that’s what I do!  The Angus Glen hosted the Canadian Open some year and they named each locker after the pro who used it?  I guess? Anyways, this was mine!:

 

Luxury!

I have no idea who Wes Heffernan is.  But he is probably better at golf than I am.  And who cares!  Look at that locker!  The last time I ran a race I waited in the cold for 45 minutes trying to get my bag.  This time, I get my own locker.  With showers!:

Are those shampoo and conditioner dispensers?  You bet your booties!  I think the third one dispenses Bryl-Cream.

Then it’s time to line up for the start.  Here’s the start line!  It’s inflatable!:

“ I once ran a race…this long!!!!”  Or… “Behold!!!…the Starting Line!!!!”  I really am not quite sure what I was thinking here.

I am hustling up to the front when the gun goes off!  I miss the first wave of runners.  But that’s ok, I will go in the next wave starting in 2 minutes.  I get to the front of the group and wait.  And we are off!  And I am in the lead of of the second wave!  Awesome!  Exhilarating!  Cannot see anyone in front of me! Until I start to panic because I can’t see anyone in front of me and what if I am going the wrong way?  And worse, what if people are following me off the right track!!!??  And I become the pariah of the race!!?? “Thanks a lot, loser!!!!”  “You suck, jerk!” Ahhh! Too much pressure!!! Where are some volunteers!?  Or pylons!? Or something!?  But then I see the pylons! and the volunteers!  I was on the right track! Huzzah!

Almost 1km down, look at my super-duper awesome GPS watch, which tells me I am running at a 4:09/km pace.  Yikes! Too fast! Whoa boy, let’s take ‘er down a notch! Now, don’t get me wrong, I like to start out races fast, but I have learned the hard way about moderation.

Now on a good pace!  A beautiful course.  Just basically running along the golf cart paths.  The only issue?  As it’s a golf course, there are lots of ups and lots of downs.  None too big, but constant.  Up…down…up…down, with a few plateaus and valleys in between.  And I’ll tell you something I have not really noticed before:  A lot of people are not too good at running hills.  I mean, they can go up ‘em ok, but on the down?  Nope.  At least in my opinion.  Who knows, I could be doing it wrong.  But I saw tons of people slowing themselves down and keeping themselves completely under control on every down slope.  Man, how much energy does it take to do that?  Makes no sense! Just let gravity do the work!  Running lesson over!  You’re welcome!

Ok, maybe just one more.  Any of you kids out there, when you run your first race, the race organizers are probably going to urge you to put your hands up in celebration when you cross the finish line.  Now, there is nothing wrong with this whatsoever, and there are many pictures of people doing it that warm the cockles of my heart.  But me?  Just not my personality.  My first few runs I did do it, and I look less celebratory and more like someone has run out on the course and stuck a gun in my back.  So my piece of advice?  Either commit to it, or don't do it at all.  Just run across the line like you've been there before and will be again.  Ok, now I am REALLY done.

Anyways, keep running, keep running.  Nothing much else to report.  Except the last km.  I pass this guy.  I pass by a spectator who I guess is the significant other of this guy who yells some words of encouragement.  “Go, So and So, go!”  I can hear him behind me speeding up, energized by his cheering section.  Trying to pass me.  I get it.  I would have done the same thing.  And, I am all for cheering and it was very touching and all, but there was no way I was going  to let this guy pass me, if I could help it.  So I kicked it up a notch and ran away from the dude.  So, sorry for that, man.  Nothing personal. And, whatever,  I am sure he had a good finish time nonetheless. 

Finish the race and right to the shower.  Civilized!  And had a beer! Civilized! And then they have a buffet lunch!  Civilized!  With hot dogs and hamburgers! Kinda civilized!

And how did I do?  Well, keep in mind that the average age of the runners was 46 years old.  But ole’ JJ finished 23 out of about 400.  I’ll take that.  I will absolutely take that.  And I think I might just be back next year!

After the symbolic “Hanging of the Medal Off the Curtain Rod”!  Sorry you missed the ceremony! It was quite something!

JJ out!

Waterfront Marathon: Diary

                                                                         "Wahhh!"

Well, Internet, I dunno if you knew, but notwithstanding the local schooling' trials and tribulations over the last little while, ole' JJ did find time to run himself a marathon a couple of weeks ago.  

Zoo Run Diary 2011!

Well, ran the 2011 zoo run today.  Worst 10k I have run. "But, Hossy, why was it so bad?", you are probably not* asking.  Well, Internet, it's nice of you to ask. Let me recap.


*who doesn't love the strikethrough by the way?


1st! - I didn't try to sign up until week before the race. It was sold out, so I bought the bib from someone on a Running Room forum.  Awesome.  Except the bib had already been made and identified the runner as "Gayle".  Although I am lucky in that the woman I did buy it from didn't ask for her email ID to be put on the bib, as I am not sure how the ladies on the course would have reacted to a guy with a bib identifying himself as the "Tantalizer".  


Luckily we have a sharpie at home, and, as you can see, I was able to seamlessly transfer the bib to my name.  The best part of having the bib was at one point during the race there was a spectator cheering everyone by name.  She was saying "go Daniel!, go Stephen!, go..uhhh...keep going, woooh!"  Actually, as I write this, maybe this part wasn't so bad after all.


2nd!  I am still getting used to Toronto.  One thing that absolutely takes getting used to is that if you are doing any event, so are a million other people.  No matter what the event may be.  So I left home an hour before the race, as it takes about 25 minutes to drive to the zoo.  Lots of time!  So I get off the highway exit and....

I finally get to park and, as I leap out of the car, I hear the gun for the first wave, my wave, go off.  But...not disaster, as this race has a staggered start so I will just run the next wave in five minutes!


3rd! So I hustle to the start hoping I have everything.  And I kinda need to pee.  Porto-potties....massive line, no go. Check that I have everything - Bib, watch, power gel....(uh oh)...

The forgotten power gel, after the race.  Look at it there, just mocking me..."look at me, so full of energy..."

Fuck.  Just fuck.  Ok.  Not the end of the world.  Gotta pee kinda and no gel.  Two minutes to start time.  Stretch!  Turn on super satellite watch.  Takes a while to get a satellite reading and gets one faster if you stand still, so good to turn on now.  


I stand in place stretching and hear "30 seconds!"....check my watch...it's off.  Sharp intake of breath..."Fuuuuuuck."  Turn it on, thinking "30 seconds might be long enough, maybe....never has before, but...".


Gun goes off.  "Well it will probably get a signal shortly after I start."


Not problematic: Beautiful run.  See zebras and giraffes.  Problematic: super satellite watch...no signal...no signal...asking me "are you indoors?"...no signal...

"Hey Buddy, you don't happen to have a power gel do you? No?  That's ok, don't worry about it, thanks anyways.  I'll ask the zebras." (note: this is not my photo. I didn't take my phone with me.  Although now I kinda wish I had, as it couldn't have hurt my time too much. But photo IS TO zoo.)

And the best are the arctic wolves.  I dunno why.  Just personal preference.  But they are out in force, and real purty.

                                   They looked like this, but...you know...awake. (Not my photo!)

4th! And by far the worst!   Right around kilometre 9, (Update on super satellite watch...no signal....) running hard, feeling good...blllooouuurrpp!....


Tangent!


Now to tell you this part of the story, Internet, I am gonna have to tell you another story.  Way back in Ottawa, Hoss used to run to work.  One night, on a night pre-children, He was out with wife and friends eating nachos and hot wings and drinking beer.  The next morning, as he was running to work (bounce...bounce...bounce) something odd started happening downstairs..(bounce...bounce...bounce).  Blooourp!....Blurp!...Blooooooourp!....Cramp!....My guts!  I figured it was ok, I could make it to work. Kept running.  It was not ok.  It was the diametric opposite of ok.  


The fact that there was a construction site with a porto-potty right after the bridge over the Rideau River saved me from being arrested for pooping on the street in downtown Ottawa.  Unfortunately, the shorts I was wearing under my running pants had to be sacrificed for the cause (R.I.P.) (I, flustered, without thinking, tossed them down the hole, then began reaching down for them before asking myself just what the hell I was doing).  Oh and by the way I think I am pretty brave for telling this story on behalf of all sensitively boweled runners out there!


Well, ever since "the incident" I have tried to be careful when I run, especially races.  Never wear a hydration belt (too bowel squishing!), never eat greasy spicy food the night before a morning run and always, always do a number 2 beforehand.  


Back to 2011!


I haven't been running too many races lately and am out of normal routine.  Thus, I broke one of the cardinal rules and did not think to sit on the potty this a.m.


Back to km 9!


Blooourp.....I have been here before....as the first "bloourp" hits, I am running past a bathroom.  To paraphrase Robert Munsch, the inner dialogue at that moment went something like "It's not that bad, I can run another kilometre can't I? Oh, yes, yes, yes, I can run another kilometre."  


....Bloop.....blooourp....(beginning to look around frantically for a bathroom) ...bllllllooourp...."gahhhh"....(sweat forming on brow (not running sweat, "I am gonna shit my pants" sweat))...."unghhh".


150 metres left...all that's in my head is that I am going to end up as a post in Deadspin as I poop myself in front of everyone at the finish line.  As I come around a bend I see, appearing in front of me, salvation!  In the form of a beautiful blue pillar with a white top.  It's a construction site!  The potty is behind a makeshift wooden fence with orange plastic mesh stapled to it.  I run directly to the fence and jump up on it to hop over as I say to the race volunteer "sorry, I gotta go".   Unstable temporary fencing, no go!  The run volunteer offers, helpfully, "there's a bathroom right after the finish line...(trailing off as I ignore him and continue to try and navigate the fence)... I don't think you're...supposed...to use...that one...  


Now, a couple of points on this...one: the bathroom he was referring to was, in actuality, quite far past the finish line and there was a fucking line up, so I am extremely glad I didn't wait because that would not have worked at all.  Two: hey man, what do you think is going on here?  100 metres left in a race and I am stopping in front of you and all these spectators to hop a rickety fence in order to obviously take a shit?  You really think I would do so if it wasn't a Defcon 4 situation? "Well, I don't really haaaaavvve to, but I just want to see if  I can squeeze something out."  Three...please don't take this to mean I am not a rule abiding-type guy.  I don't walk around thinking rules apply to everyone but me.  But believe me, this was a speeding to the hospital because the wife is in labour dealie.  I would have gladly accepted a police escort, if offered. 


I choose an alternate part of the fence and hop up...I hear a bad "craaack!" sound..."uh oh"...but it holds, and I am over and in and yes!  Sweeet, sweeet relief.  My goodness. Everything I imagined it would be. 


And then done and ready to run the final100 metres!  Sprint to the same part of the fence I hopped in on and hop up..."Craaaack!"...and I am down, lying on the ground, amidst the ruins of the particular fence section. Helpful race volunteer: "Uhhhhh, are you ok, man?"  


Me!: "Yes, I am good! Sorry about the fence! If there's a problem, remember my bib ("Gayle!")!


So I finish the race.  Woohoo.  Crap time (no pun intended, haha!).  And then my time is not adjusted for starting in the second wave so it's 5 minutes slower!  


I am eating a cookie after the race and glance at my super satellite watch.  "Acquired Signal!" Sigh.


But the race shirt is North Face, so that's pretty sweet.  Plus the course director is my neighbour so I emailed him and asked that my time be adjusted to the second wave, (not for myself, but to ensure that my blog followers are not too disappointed!).  And it gave me something to write about!


Phew.... That was pretty long.  Sorry.  Lucky it wasn't a marathon I guess!


Hoss Out!


Update!


My neighbour told me, and I am paraphrasing here, to go jump in the lake.  And rightfully so!  I just hope, Internet, that ole' Hoss has learned his lesson.